


love is something that happens to other people

by youremynumberone



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: M/M, Meet-Cute, bassist!jun, gemini solidarity, hoshi has never heard a love song in his life actually, nick and norah's infinite playlist spinoff, there are other svt members but its mostly 96z
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-13
Updated: 2020-08-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:15:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25878766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/youremynumberone/pseuds/youremynumberone
Summary: “You don’t have a trashy taste in music,” Wonwoo says, kindly. And then hastily adds, “Because you have no taste in music.”Soonyoung actually starts bawling.
Relationships: Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi/Wen Jun Hui | Jun
Comments: 15
Kudos: 91





	love is something that happens to other people

Prior his latest heartbreak, Soonyoung couldn’t care less about music. He hears it playing in places, he hears it on the radio. It goes in through his right ear and out the other. Really, it’s just a bunch of instruments and words and what else, huh? And sometimes it’s pleasant, he assumes so… But often he really just doesn’t find in himself to care. Soonyoung simply happily cruises through his life oblivious of whatever the fuck it is that makes a song a love song or what not. It’s just something that happens to other people.

Until Jihoon.

Jihoon, who hears the banality of everyday as music. Quiet, lovely Jihoon who experiences life as if there is a cinematic score underneath each scene. And if he doesn’t hear it, that’s when he gets the urge to make it. Jihoon who makes music, who loves music.

And who, through some minor miracle, dated Soonyoung for a blissful three weeks until he discovered that no, Soonyoung has never heard of Post Malone.

He thinks it through and tries another one, nodding solemnly. “I suppose that happens. Well. You must have at least heard a Frank Ocean song.”

Soonyoung comes up blank. Jihoon’s jaw drops on the sticky countertop of the diner where they were sharing a milkshake.

He winces, eyes closed, like he is in pain, then carefully whispers. “Bruno Mars…?”

If it weren’t for the straw in Soonyoung’s mouth he could’ve easily admitted that he may have, actually, in all honesty, never finished listening to a whole song on his own conviction. He honestly thinks it's lame to just sit and listen to a whole song. Who has the time? Before he could consider what to reply, Jihoon is shaking his head and then saying he has somewhere else he has to be.

And then that was it. Soonyoung keeps telling himself it was just casual anyway. They didn’t even get to third base. And yet, the ease with which Jihoon had dropped him broke his little heart but also filled him with rage that simmered down to frustration and then to insistent moping for weeks on end.

“You’ve been depressed for a month now. This is so unlike you, dumbass,” Wonwoo nudges him by his rib with his shoe. He is standing above him as Soonyoung lies listless on his own dorm floor.

“Who the fuck breaks up with you because of your trashy taste in music?” He whines to Wonwoo for the two hundredth time, and who is the wrong person to talk to about this because like Jihoon, Wonwoo loves music too. He actually listens to music and stuff, and every time he remembers this, that his best friend can’t pick just one song as his favorite because he has too many, Soonyoung feels like he is being betrayed.

“You don’t have a trashy taste in music,” Wonwoo says, kindly. And then hastily adds, “Because you have no taste in music.”

Soonyoung actually starts bawling.

“What did you even like about him?” Wonwoo asks and Soonyoung quiets, then just sobs louder.

  
  


_[With or Without You by U2]_

“Another one,” Minghao singsongs, waving what looks like yet again another mixed CD made and given to him by his ex-boyfriend. “Look at the ridiculous cover art.”

The last period had just ended and throngs of people now fill the hallways. Minghao is a year above Wonwoo and Soonyoung, and who is absurdly just the coolest person they both know. He is also, with every bit of meaning behind the word, cold. That he is even talking to them is incredible, that he is showing off to them the mixes is another thing altogether. It’s cruel, really. Minghao knows about Jihoon. And about Soonyoung. And about the break-up.

They laugh nervously as he carelessly chucks the CD into the trash bin beside the lockers before smugly walking away.

Wonwoo tugs at Soonyoung’s arm.

“You have to stop doing this,” he warns.

But Soonyoung’s arm is already halfway deep into the bin and he grins triumphantly when he retrieves the CD.

Despite Wonwoo’s warning, he leans in close to look at the CD too. This is the second one they’ve seen, and that’s simply this week alone. It’s been three whole weeks since Minghao dumped his ex but who knows how many other CDs he had dropped off his apartment or wherever else? Who even still burns CD mixes in this goddamn time? Minghao’s mystery ex, apparently.

“Road to Closure Volume 12?” Soonyoung reads the lettering on the cover aloud. It’s encased in a handmade card with drawings of broken hearts, like stars, hanging above a city skyline of black and blue, and down below where a lone yellow car is speeding away. “Poor bastard,” he says, but he is already excitedly sliding off his shoulder the other strap of his backpack.

“You’re being creepy,” Wonwoo says when Soonyoung puts the CD inside his bag.

Maybe, Soonyoung thinks. But since he’s gotten wind of these mixes - which are amazing, by the way... wow, music, right? And has started posting about them on his Instagram story, he’s always gotten a heart react from Jihoon. From his ex. The first time it happened Soonyoung actually fell off from his chair and hurt his tailbone. At one point, Jihoon even sent a message that went, “Really? U2?” Along with a string of laughing emojis. That was all the way back from just the second mix he had listened to.

And this is the seventh he’s managed to snatch up and still, Soonyoung keeps listening to all of the songs.

Who would’ve thought there are, indeed, plenty of bands and musicians out there with plenty of songs and albums, huh? Who would’ve thought that music could end up comforting him? Whenever Soonyoung gets back to his dorm, alone, and feels the urge to cry at how sad he is still at Jihoon’s casual rejection, he listens to the mixes. And it works. It comforts him and makes him forget how pathetic and undateable Jihoon had made him feel.

Music is amazing, he concludes now. Someone ought to have told him earlier on. Soonyoung beams like he’s finally in on a secret, proud.

“Oh shit,” Wonwoo yelps beside him. "Oh shit, shit, yes, yes, yes!"

“What now?” Soonyoung stops then, fixing the straps of his bag over his shoulders.

“Soonyoung, are you doing anything tonight?”

It’s Friday. Soonyoung’s plans kind of involved copying the songs onto his laptop, listening to them on loop while lying down on the floor, and finding the coolest, most nonchalant way to post about it online. So Jihoon can see. So he’d see what he’s actually missing.

“Maybe a thing or two,” he replies. “What do you have in mind, buddy? Maybe I can rearrange my schedule.”

Wonwoo’s tiny eyes bore deep into Soonyoung’s and then he grips his shoulders. “My favorite band...” then he pauses, just blinks.

Soonyoung waits for more words. Nothing comes. “Are you having a stroke?”

Wonwoo closes his eyes and breathes through his nose. “Kidult. They’re playing in our city tonight. My favorite band. Here!” He says in small, clipped sentences. Clenches his little fist and throws it up the air. “Tonight! That’s our plan tonight.”

“Okay, but. Your favorite band is called… Kidult?” Soonyoung asks, giggling a little.

Wonwoo glares at him. “You can’t make any judgment on my taste in music when you can’t even name more than five artists.”

“Sure I can!” He yells, following after Wonwoo, who is already walking away very excitedly, well as excited as someone like Wonwoo can get.

“U2! Duran Duran! The Cure! Mister Frank Ocean!” Soonyoung lists. The songs from the mixes he’s stolen from the inside of trash bins after Minghao had discarded them ringing in his head. And yes, he did look up the artists Jihoon mentioned seconds before he dumped Soonyoung at that cursed diner. Personally, he thinks Channel Orange was just okay. Jihoon needs to listen to better artists. Look! He has these opinions now!

Wonwoo waits for the last one. Looking smug.

“That’s just four,” he says.

“Posted Malone!” Soonyoung yells, triumphant.

Wonwoo pauses.

Somewhere, Jihoon chokes on his second can of Coca Cola.

  
  


_[Stay by Post Malone]_

Wonwoo has dragged Soonyoung into some of these gigs before, of course.

Wonwoo is mostly just the quiet attendee, content standing at the corner of the dingy bar or some dark garage. But Soonyoung isn’t. Doesn’t have the attention span to stay still. So he takes advantage of the cheap booze. Lets the dark take him and often ends up feeling up a stranger or two to the tune of some sad looking divorced dad making incoherent sounds over at the spotlight, leaving Wonwoo by his lonesome at the far back. It’s not always the best time but sometimes, when he catches a glance at his best friend from across the bar with that dopey earnest smile he gets when he hears music live, Soonyoung thinks it’s alright.

But now that Soonyoung has acquired the emotional acuity to relate to music, he feels more than alright. He’s pretty excited to go. He’s vibrating out of his own skin when Wonwoo picks him up as soon as the sun sets.

Wonwoo grins, when on other occasions he simply would’ve sighed at the sight of Soonyoung pre-gig, already whining and looking bored. Not tonight. Soonyoung is excited. Wonwoo is seeing his new favorite band for the first time.

“This is going to be so fun now that I get music!” Soonyoung yells, sticking his head out a bit from the opened window like a little puppy when they reach the freeway.

Wonwoo actually laughs at that while gently pulling him back inside the car.

_[Cold Fame by Band of Skulls]_

The gig tonight is rather big, unlike the other venues he and Wonwoo had gone to. There is a proper stage, not just a loose vacant space at the front surrounded by people standing. There is also a proper bar, complete with an actual bartender, shelves of bottles of liquor and little stools where they are both sitting now.

Soonyoung sets down his bottle of beer on the counter with a loud thud and slaps Wonwoo’s shoulder, hard.

“Ow! What the fuck!”

“You never told me these music guys are so sexy!” Soonyoung whispers. His hot breath fanning over Wonwoo’s cheeks. “Or was I just not paying attention? We should’ve always stayed a little up front like this. I can only see the backs of people's heads when we used to stand in the corners.” He murmurs, craning his neck to get a better view. He looks kind of funny like this, Wonwoo notes, his eyes extra squinty and absolutely enraptured by the band playing.

“Who? Where?”

Soonyoung turns his head to make a show of pointedly glancing at the stage. “That one. Pink slash lilac hair. Cut-offs shirt. The one with the, uh… Guitar that doesn’t look quite like the other guitars?”

Wonwoo laughs mid-sip of his beer. The band has just started their last song.

“The bassist, you mean?”

“Yeah, whatever, stringed instrument, all the same. Isn’t he hot? And he also looks so sad and mopey and like he just had his heart broken by an asshole who doesn’t deserve him. Oh honey, I know that look.” He sighs. “Wonwoo, I’m getting hard a bit.”

“Oh no,” Wonwoo coughs.

“Oh yes...” Soonyoung waggles his eyebrows up and down, shaking and bopping his head obnoxiously to the melancholy song the band is playing.

“No, no. Code red. Code red. Nine o’clock.”

“What?”

“Nine o’clock,” Wonwoo repeats.

Soonyoung slowly counts the hands of the clock in his head and when he couldn’t figure it out, feels Wonwoo hold both his shoulders and turn him to his left. And oh. Code red.

It’s Jihoon. In his usual attire of an over-sized hoodie left unzipped only to reveal a plain black shirt and his usual faded denim jeans. He looks so small in his clothes and surrounded by people towering him and moving wildly around, Soonyoung is overcome with a feeling he doesn’t have a name for. Like he just wants to protect him. Keep him safe. Close. _Ah_.

Jihoon’s head whips to their direction and spots them.

“He’s walking over here now,” Wonwoo says.

Soonyoung can see, thank you very much.

A moment later and, “Oh he’s here,” Wonwoo adds, downing the rest of his beer.

“Hey,” Jihoon smiles, glowing.

“Hey you,” Soonyoung says back and suddenly it feels like the first time.

_[When I Was Your Man by Bruno Mars]_

It goes like this the first time: Jihoon asks to meet Soonyoung at a bar, where a band he likes is playing, and there was news of a typhoon coming.

Soonyoung had always had his eyes on Jihoon. He’s a friend of a friend of a friend, removed by several links from Soonyoung’s main circle of queer and weird fellows, but linked anyway. He is quiet in all the places where Soonyoung is loud. He’s easily annoyed and frowning, when Soonyoung is always, most days anyway, smiling and laughing and flirting. He responds rarely and doesn’t seem to hang with anybody else their year, so when he did pay attention and after some days of texting, caves and gives Soonyoung a place and a time to be, of course he shows.

Never mind the weatherman.

Which is how he found himself that night stranded in a packed bar a little ways off from the campus and their dorms, in the middle of a typhoon, stuck with Jihoon, because, as he said, nobody else was willing to go. Except Soonyoung.

Soonyoung is easy. He doesn’t mind it. That he’s the last on Jihoon’s list is a minor detail. He grins at their closeness and ignores the almost fake sounding loud cackling of thunder outside. Asks Jihoon what drink he can get for him instead. Jihoon grins back, says he’ll take a beer and presses his shoulder flush with Soonyoung’s. His heart, it swells and flies.

That night, of course, Soonyoung heard none of the songs the bands played. Remembered not even the name of the band. And felt none of the wetness that enveloped them when, nearly half an hour after all the musicians were done playing and the rain had not yet stopped, they said screw it and ran the long way back to the campus.

In the middle of their stupid, crazy sprint, Soonyoung must have dropped his keys along the way. He panics, glances around and is about to call Wonwoo when Jihoon shrugs and leads him towards his floor a few stories up. Drenched, shivering madly and with clothes sticking to his body like a second skin, Soonyoung grins widely, wild with happiness, and follows Jihoon’s lead.

_[I Would Hate You If I Could by Turnover]_

“You’re here alone?” Soonyoung asks stupidly. What he wanted to say was Fuck you. Or maybe that I listened to Post Malone before Wonwoo picked me up and thought of you.

Jihoon just nods. Easily plants himself beside them at the bar and oblivious of the effect he’s having on Soonyoung at the moment. 

“Can I get you something to drink?” He asks, hopelessly.

Beside him, Wonwoo groans. He can already hear how painful his best friend’s scolding will be later.

But before Jihoon can answer, Wonwoo takes matters into his own hands and says, simply, “Actually, Soonyoung is not here alone tonight.”

Jihoon just looks at him. As if to say, obviously. You’re with him.

“He’s here with his new boyfriend actually,” Wonwoo claims.

Soonyoung blinks. The band had just finished playing and the boys, shiny with sweat, stumble off the stage to mild applause from the audience. The bassist with the lilac hair looking even more particularly somber just standing like that without his instrument.

Jihoon suppresses half a laugh, half a snort and Soonyoung turns to glance at him, feels himself deflate.

“Oh really? I don’t see him here.” Jihoon cranes his neck, a playful grin in his mouth.

The thing about his best friend is that he’s smart. Wonwoo is intelligent. Has the memory of an AI robot. Neurons probably moving at a speed that should be alarming for a normal person. When he grows broody, he’s actually paraphrasing in his head some Banana Yoshimoto book. And so in the span of seconds between Jihoon’s painful jab and what was about to happen next, Wonwoo crafts a quick, ingenious, but frankly, disappointingly stupid plan.

Wonwoo says, “Soonyoung’s boyfriend just finished playing actually.”

And then he shoves Soonyoung into the direction of the bassist he was eyeing later, who is now standing dazedly at the other end of the bar.

Another thing about Wonwoo is that he is very strong. He pushes and Soonyoung just feels his whole body flying and crashing with force into another body, the guy actually stumbling backwards a bit. Soonyoung looks up and sees his stunned face.

His heart hitches in his chest.

Up close, the bassist’s face is actually, comically attractive and perfect. Soft, lilac bangs fanning over his forehead, damp. A sharp nose, full lips. A striking constellation of moles. A set of quirky piercings of tiny golden hoops on both his ears. And as Soonyoung had assumed from afar, he does, indeed, look very much broken and sad.

“Shit.”

Behind them, he hears Jihoon cackle with malice. Soonyoung frowns. That Jihoon doesn’t think someone like Soonyoung could be with a guy this cool. That he shows up like this tonight to ruin what was supposed to be a lovely night, a great first time for Soonyoung to enjoy his new found joy.

Soonyoung feels an ache in his chest, feels his face mirror the broken look in this guy’s eyes.

What happens next will be blamed later on Wonwoo. And also on Jihoon’s taunting laugh he hears above the loud crowd as he watches from across the bar. Although mostly just on Soonyoung’s blind stupidity and his five Gemini placements… maybe. He shuts his eyes, summons his courage and then says: “Hi. I’m gonna need you to pretend to be my boyfriend for five seconds.”

“Uh,” came the guy’s response to whatever the heck is happening. The sound is deep, gravelly and pushed to his arms in the position they are in, Soonyoung actually feels his chest vibrate from the sound this guy just made and it both jolts him cruel, and then pulls him closer. He grabs the chains hanging down the guy’s neck, which, _oh, sexy_ , and there he is. Soonyoung grins big, gaze intent and sharp now, and says, “Just be cool, okay? Please, just go with it. Just five seconds.”

And he pulls the guy down, grabbing his chain necklaces in a fistful, and presses their lips together.

Soonyoung smiles into the kiss, because he’s Soonyoung through and through, and because it actually isn’t that bad. He goes for it and deepens the kiss, parting their mouths together. He feels the other guy’s eyelashes flutter open in surprise, looking into him crossedly in such a funny way that makes him laugh, their teeth clacking together. He pulls back a little and lets the guy look at him. Regards him fully, as if he wasn’t yet registering what was happening a minute ago when Soonyoung was shoved out of nowhere into his arms.

Then he starts to smile, crookedly, adorably, looking amused. It looks better on his face than the pained expression he was wearing earlier.

“Jun,” comes Jihoon’s voice, after a low whistle, and they both snap out of whatever it was that was happening when they locked eyes and turn to look at Jihoon.

“Hi Jihoonie,” the bassist says, looking bashful. _Jihoonie?!_

Soonyoung looks at the guy, whom Jihoon just called Jun, and at Jihoon, and back again.

“Moved on finally, I see,” Jihoon says, smirking, looking at Soonyoung, who simply has his mouth open. “How did you and Soonyoung get together?”

They both look at Soonyoung.

“We go to, uh,” he stumbles, raking his mind for something trivial, mentally wishing Wonwoo was here so he could supply this part of the fiction he was responsible for – where the fuck did that little shit go? And somehow his brain lands on, “the same dentist.”

Jihoon doesn’t look like he buys it, yet he nods, chuckling a little, and says, addressing Jun, “Minghao will be happy for you.”

Jun still looks out of it, but at the mention of Minghao’s name, his eyes focus and then soften.

Wait. Minghao?

Hold on.

“Oh? Did Hao say anything to you? Did he get my mixes?”

Mixes?

Wait.

Jihoon is already distracted, scanning the crowd until he spots someone, calls out, “Yeol!” And just wanders off, nothing but a small pat on Jun’s bare arms as a goodbye.

Nothing for Soonyoung.

“Did he say anything about my mixes?” Jun calls again, a bit louder this time, and it’s enough for Soonyoung to put the pieces together.

Behind him, he finally hears Wonwoo.

“You have got to be kidding me.”

Soonyoung sputters. “You’re the CD mixes guy?”

“What?”

“You’re Minghao’s ex?!”

“You know Minghao? Did he say anything about me?” Oh, he really has such a beautiful face.

“Oh my god!” Soonyoung yells and walks off.

_[Luna by Smashing Pumpkins]_

“What the fuck,” Soonyoung mumbles. Mouth parted wide and in full shock.

“What the fuck,” Wonwoo intelligently replies, following behind Soonyoung who had to step outside the bar.

Soonyoung glances at Wonwoo blankly.

“What the fuck.”

“What the fuck.”

And they both start to laugh wildly, earning some wary glances from the smokers huddled beside the door.

“Shit,” Soonyoung says, shaking his head.

“Hey!”

It’s the bassist. Pink hair. Chains. Cut-off sleeves. Arms. It’s Jun. That’s his name. The name of the man behind the songs bringing comfort and warmth to Soonyoung. The name of the man whose mouth he had just sucked a moment ago. Oh god.

He weaves his way around the crowd by the door and catches up on the two outside.

Before he can get another word out, Soonyoung does the most intelligent thing he could think of. He bolts.

Soonyoung decides to ignore the tingling creeping from his neck to his cheeks as he quickly walks away. Speed walks down the corner. Wonwoo quickly catches up on him because he is three quarters legs and a mere few inches of upper body.

“Where are you going?” He yells a little when he grabs Soonyoung’s arms

“Dude, I can’t face him.” He thinks about how at one point he cried listening to one of the songs about how true love will find him in the end. How the song made him unbearably lonely but also tender and hopeful at the same time. In the dark of his room, he feels warmed by the song.

Wonwoo sees the shift in Soonyoung’s eyes as it darts behind Wonwoo to check. There’s nobody they know around.

“Well…” Wonwoo gets it, but hesitates. “Do you want us to go home?”

Soonyoung nods and looks at his boots. “I’m gonna. But you should go back inside. Can’t miss your favorite band with the horribly non-cool childish name.”

Wonwoo grins and rolls his eyes a little.

“I’m sorry I can’t be there, Wonwoo. This sucks a lot.”

Inside, a loud roaring can be heard. It must be the last act already.

“Yeah. I’m sorry you can’t fucking enjoy their live music especially now that you actually know how to pay attention for a full three minutes but yeah, it’s cool. I’ll be fine. How about you, though?”

Behind him, Jun peeks from the corner, clearing his throat. Soonyoung feels a weird fluttering in his belly at the thought of Jun standing in the shadows, waiting it out, when he had all but invaded his personal space earlier.

Wonwoo must have been thinking the same when he says, “You know what? I think you should give this guy a try.”

“Wonwoo…”

“I’m serious,” he shrugs, already stepping away a little, being pulled back inside to catch his favorite band. “If he’s indeed the guy behind the mixes, I trust him better than Jihoon whose taste is exclusively that of Billboard Top 100. That guy sucks, honestly.” Then he tousles Soonyoung’s head before walking back to the bar, glancing one last time to signal to call him if he needs anything.

“Uh,” Jun emerges from the corner and approaches Soonyoung. They stand beside each other, quiet, feeling the vibrations of the bass from the bar inside through the wall they are leaning against.

“Are you – ”

“If you ask how I know your weird, scary, cool ex again I will punch you in the throat.” Soonyoung cuts him off.

“Are you okay, is what I was going to ask. You looked so out of it back inside.”

Soonyoung glances at Jun, and it both strikes him to find the way he speaks interesting, and surprises him to see the guy grinning easily. He’d assumed he would be disgusted, or weirded out, or be unimpressed, which are the general range of emotions in most of Soonyoung’s conquests. Or, well, maybe that’s just basing off his most recent one. Suddenly, his mind goes off tangent when he realizes how the break-up had made him feel so battered and pathetic. And how it had landed him here. In this unprecedented sequence of events in a single night that would be funny if it weren’t shameful.

Oh no.

And just like that, a wave of intense emotions washes over him. He gulps and steps away from Jun.

Soonyoung vomits on the pavement.

Incredible.

He feels a tentative shadow behind him and then a hand rubbing soothing circles over at his back and he knows he probably means to comfort him but it only sends him into an ugly crying fit.

One moment he was falling into this guy’s arms, and then asking him for a kiss. And now he is vomiting and crying in front of him. What a fucking night, Soonyoung thinks, sniffing and grabbing the post near him to steady himself so he doesn’t completely fall to his knees. He feels weak and tired and annoyed. Wondering idly that, hey, maybe people ought to be handing out questionnaires before dating so he could have had the chance to declare that oh, I actually don’t care about music, I hope that’s okay because I’d still like it if you would hang out with me and get to know me more beyond my zero interest in music. Then maybe he wouldn’t be out here right now.

This sucks. 

“I’m s– ” he starts to say, but he is cut off by the loud braking sound of an ugly, wonky looking minivan that almost hits them both.

It makes a funny beeping sound, that is half the sound of a horn and half a comic cackling, then a head pops out from the passenger’s side.

“Shit! Sorry bro!”

Behind him, he hears Jun heave an exasperated sigh.

“I told you guys to stop driving like you’re in cartoons,” he scolds, but fond.

“Who’s this, Junnie?” One of the boys asks mid-laughter. He has a sharp nose and eyes like crescents.

Soonyoung wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. Blinks. Tries to card his hand through his messy hair.

Jun doesn’t know his name yet.

“Oh, I’m Soonyoung,” he says.

“Right,” goes Jun, regarding him with a steady gaze. “This is Seokmin, our vocalist. That’s Mingyu behind the wheels,” he waves, “and I guess Hansol’s at the back?”

“He fled, bro,” Seokmin says, half of his body already hanging out of the window, like an adorable puppy.

“Ah. Boyfriend duties?”

“You know how Seungkwan gets everytime he gets to see Hansol play.”

Soonyoung is so out of it he didn’t even notice, it’s crazy, but he is already being gently ushered into the minivan and handed a damp towel to clean his face with. It disorients him a bit once he realizes, that he is in a vehicle with people he doesn’t know, hot people, hot music people, who would’ve thought, but strangers nonetheless. He’s not used to being cared for by a person who isn’t Wonwoo. Naturally, he is about to start to panic when Seokmin turns around to him and to Jun, who is sitting beside him and watching him with concern, and grinning ear to ear, hands Soonyoung a tumbler of water.

He takes it. It’s a Ratatouille merchandise. Somehow, this is evidence enough to Soonyoung that he is not about to get kidnapped. He smiles.

  
  


_[Someday You’ll Want Me To Want You by Brenda Lee]_

In front of Soonyoung, Jun is covering his face as he laughs, full and throaty, shrinking a bit in his seat. The red spreading in his cheeks is endearing.

“Oh my god,” Jun groans. “This is so embarrassing!”

His bandmates had dropped them off here at Jun’s favorite 24-hour hotpot restaurant. Jun offered to drive him to his dorm, but Soonyoung’s stomach made an embarrassing sound, earning him a fond cackling from the boys in front of the van. Hence, the bubbling pot they are sharing an hour past midnight. Some old, slow song is playing as the staff bustle around in harried Chinese. It feels slightly disorienting, but the food is really good and the soup is very warm. Soonyoung is feeling much better compared to how shitty he was an hour ago and Jun is, well. Something.

He runs one beautiful hand through his hair when he’s calmed down and his chuckles has stuttered into a big, bashful grin on his mouth. Mouth he had kissed. Thankfully, Jun brings it up only once.

He had charmed Soonyoung into telling him how he knew about Jun and his mixes. Perhaps loosened up by the comfort of MSG in their steaming bowls of soup, he ended up telling him everything. Including Jihoon. The reason why they broke up. And then his best friend's dumb idea earlier at the bar. It amuses Soonyoung that Jun had found this bit about him stealing the CDs even more amusing than the fact that he kissed a stranger in front of his ex or that he was dumped because he didn’t know who Bruno Mars was.

“I hope you at least skipped my voice recordings,” he says, shaking his head. 

“Oh I listened to them, of course. Though I promise not putting those on loop as much as I did with the songs,” Soonyoung replies, stabbing a shrimp ball with his chopsticks. Remembering Jun’s little intro and outro voice recordings. Talking about his day. Asking Minghao about his. Telling him to make sure to get enough sleep and to stop losing his glasses. _Good night, baby._

“Oh god.”

“But hey,” Soonyoung glances up, catches the unreadable glint in Jun’s eyes. Then, suddenly hesitating, but also brave after already baring his entire heartbreak onto this stranger, he asks: “Would you have done that? Since you love music so much… Would you dump someone when you find out after some time dating them that they don’t share the same interest as you?”

Jun hums, finishes chewing in quiet. Then swallows. Soonyoung waits.

“Do you know how Minghao and I met?”

“Not really.”

“We were both foreigners who had nobody close to us our age to guide us when we moved here, so when we learned about each other, from a friend of a friend or whatever, we naturally gravitated towards one another, you know? We were so young and scared shitless.” Jun moves to turn off the fire under the cauldron of soup in front of them. The soup continues to simmer.

There is something so striking about the way he speaks, Soonyoung thinks. Like he is always so deep in thought, but also that he’s simply being earnest and candid.

“It was probably just a few days into our weird, almost obligatory friendship that we both realized we needed each other. So we fell into this kind of rhythm where we would keep asking each other questions if only to quickly get to know each other. When you’re feeling alone, you will want to crave familiarity, right? Something solid and constant. That’s what we became for each other in the beginning. We discovered we shared the same passions… sort of? Like he feels how I feel about music to arts and dancing, and vice versa, you know? We talked about our interests at length. About our childhood, our dreams. I know everything there is to know about him at that point.” 

“That sounds incredible…” Soonyoung whispers. Suddenly feeling conscious of how the only person who knows the most about him is Wonwoo. And not because they talked about it at length or needed someone to rely on, the opposite actually. It’s just that they’re simply stuck with each other so much and has lost all filter that Wonwoo knows exactly how Soonyoung sounds when he has diarrhea and has been in the toilet for more than an hour.

Jun shakes his head.

“Maybe from the outside? Getting to know someone that way is easy, but can be exhausting. It was routine and left unchecked, it graduated to intimacy. But you can only have so much to talk about until there isn’t any more. And that makes the outgrowing happen faster… and without warning.” He says, eyes focused on his bowl of vegetables.

Soonyoung merely watches Jun, his brain needing a moment to process what he’s hearing, and his heart taking even longer.

The thing about Soonyoung is that he has a major distrust of the concept of love. But not because he’s had romances to prove that it’s a sham. That would have been better because at least he’d have evidence. He’s inexperienced, that’s all. He fools around a lot and often, and has had remarkable moments along the way, but none of it is close to the tenderness Jun has when talking about Minghao, when choosing the songs for the mix, when he grows quiet probably thinking about the love he had and lost. So he assumes, as he tries to think deeply about it now, that when Jihoon came around and let him into his life, he thinks that’s all there is to love. He’s had no expectations, really. He only wanted to be closer to Jihoon, to help him out of his wet clothes. He simply wanted to show him that it was worth a shot considering someone like Soonyoung.

But it apparently wasn’t.

Soonyoung chuckles sadly, remembering how he had felt earlier under the weight of Jihoon’s taunting gaze. How he had simply showed up and then just as quickly, walked away.

Then Jun looks up from his bowl and stares at Soonyoung, curious and thoughtful at the same time. The steam of the pot in front of them makes his vision cloud and go a bit dreamy. 

Soonyoung talks a lot. As a matter of fact, if Jun probably asked his interests, he could go on and on about the endangered species of white tigers in the Himalayas. If asked about his childhood, he has a lot to say about his hometown, Namyangju, and the chief of the village who had a lot of trouble looking after Soonyoung after he messed around his farms and chickens on the daily. His dreams? Oh, might he interest you into his most recent and most vivid dream he just had about rowing a huge ship up in the sky? He talks a lot. But as he sits there, mulling over what Jun had said about an intimate relationship that fell into place after that much talking and asking, he thinks how exhausting it could be and how quickly it could grow distant. Soonyoung decides that the first person he loves, he’d much rather sit in silence with and get to know in other, more interesting ways.

The quiet expands around them, soothingly. When Soonyoung glances around, only one other table is occupied in the restaurant. The staff in the counter is leaning back in his chair, head lolling as the fan on the wall whirs above him.

“So to answer your question. No, I wouldn’t. I think if I found out that the boy I’m going out with actually hasn’t heard a proper love song yet, that would be the most interesting thing to happen to me.”

The two of them, they grin at each other, suddenly feeling silly at how serious and quiet their conversation had gotten, and also in a mix of interest and the heady feeling that comes with fullness. They finish their bowls in comfortable silence.

_[Hard to Love by ONE OK ROCK]_

Jun insisted on walking Soonyoung back to his dorm. It wasn’t particularly near, but also wasn’t impossibly far.

At this time of the night, very few cars can be seen cruising the streets.

“So what did you like about Jihoon?”

Soonyoung learns several things about Jun that night. He learns that Jun is Chinese, hence the choice of comfort food, hence the unique cadence in his words that he has grown to enjoy hearing the deeper the night falls. He learns that Jun’s hair was bright orange just a week ago from a stupid dare from Mingyu, and he had simply dyed it again to this passable lilac color with the help of his roommate two nights ago. He learns that Jun likes his food spicy. He thinks back to the restaurant, watching Jun mix more than three big spoonfuls of the spicy paste in his own bowl. He also learns that Jun laughs with complete disregard of his surroundings. And that Jun genuinely enjoys making conversation.

The question gives Soonyoung pause. There is a respectable distance between them that allows Soonyoung to swing his arms in wide circles. But he stops and mulls this over as they turn the uphill climb headed to the campus.

What did he like about Jihoon? He remembers Wonwoo asking him the same question after getting fed up seeing Soonyoung on the floor moping. And how the lack of a quick answer, any response, sent him crying that time. He didn’t want to think about it then, he simply wanted to wallow. He lets himself consider the question now. And could only remember Jihoon’s quiet presence in their big groups whenever he would watch him hanging out with friends of friends, distant circles that orbited one another. How rarely he joined in conversations, making Soonyoung hang into everything he would be saying when he finally spoke. How his shallow smiles would bring out little dimples on both sides of his mouth. The look on his face when he focused. The shape of his body when asleep.

But that shouldn’t be all, is it? That’s not what he would want to like in a person he is going to love. He knows there are better things. Like the way he thinks. How considerate he is in trying to understand someone else. In being kind and patient. In making Soonyoung feel seen.

“I don’t think I had enough time to get to know him,” is what Soonyoung says when he realizes Jun has also stopped walking and is watching him from a few steps away. He decides he probably hadn’t known Jihoon at all, and Jihoon didn’t... hadn’t yet seen Soonyoung.

He looks at the way Jun is looking at him at that moment.

A possibility clicks in his head.

And it all but stops short when he feels fat droplets on his skin. Of all of life’s ironies. Soonyoung looks up at the black, cruel sky. It’s happening. Again. It starts to drizzle, lightly at first, and then heavy and full. Distantly, thunder claps. At least this time they’re pretty close to the dorms.

Jun breaks into a childlike giggling and starts jumping up and down, covering his head to no avail, and then yells, “Race you to your door!”

No, no, no, Soonyoung thinks. Not fucking again. No! Goddamnit! Still, here he is again. The rain is chilly and it’s late into the night so he’s already started shivering when he finally makes his feet move.

Shit.

Running under the rain. With a boy. Reminded him of how the last time he was in exactly similar conditions. He consciously checks on his pockets. And it’s incredible, really, how predictable things can be when it comes to Soonyoung’s life’s misfortunes. Still, he chases after Jun, who is already about to reach the building.

He stops a few steps from Jun. Still out in the streets.

“I don’t have my key,” is what he says. It’s with Wonwoo, he remembers now. It was something they started doing whenever they go out, because Soonyoung has the bad habit of leaving Wonwoo alone. It’s simply so Wonwoo can make sure they go home together and are safe.

Jun is already under the roof of the entrance. He waves Soonyoung over.

They both look sufficiently drenched. Jun’s lilac hair now a deeper shade, damp against his forehead. His arms glisten.

“What did you say?”

“I don’t have my keys,” Soonyoung says.

He is suddenly overcome with the memory of how this badly played out the first time. He could already feel his heart shrivel into the small, pathetic thing that sits useless inside his chest. Maybe all Soonyoung will be good for are these half-assed one-night affairs. Short-lived closeness that will be ruined once the other person sees Soonyoung for all his shortcomings. He sighs when he feels his eyes start to sting. To cry twice in one evening in the company of someone who isn’t his best friend will be a new record for him.

Jun wipes the dripping hair off his face with the back of his hand. And looks behind Soonyoung, to the empty and wet streets. The downpour had slowed to a steady drizzle.

“Hey,” he starts to say. Soonyoung flinches, already anticipating how pitying Jun would sound next. It’s okay, he tries to console himself. He’s been here before. It ought to hurt less. He knows how this goes by now.

What doesn’t prepare him is the way Jun sounds completely serious and grave when he says, “Do you want me to try to break it open?”

Soonyoung’s heart, it grows and swells inside of him. And he marvels at the giddy realization that something new is about to happen, something he thought only happens to other people.

And then he is laughing and Jun is taking out of his pocket some sort of swiss knife with Snoopy drawings. With his other hand, he is pulling Soonyoung in and then lets him lead the way to his door.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to B for being the first reader, and most especially to L, for the idea of bassist Jun with the piercings, and for letting me talk her ear off about this fic. And to you, reader, thank you for being here!


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